What is it about privacy that's so seductive? Secrets, they protect us from judgement. I think that's why not everyone blogs or becomes an Instagram influencer or has a Facebook account - it's that sacred space we control.
Yesterday my sister, Simi openly declared that I was an introvert. She said it so casually in passing that I almost missed it but I nodded subconsciously. She's right, I would rather keep my private life, private.
So what is that drives me to share my thoughts online and why does anyone want to read about it?
I'm going to hold my hands up and say I'm not sure. I've been exploring spirituality since I moved to Birmingham and all the books say to stop trying to intellectualise everything. Having a childlike naivety to life is prescribed.
I was never a curios kid, never the naughty one sticking my fingers into sockets or the one being returned after wandering off if the front door was open. I was obedient mostly, I loved arty things and enjoyed being organised.
As the eldest sibling you are awarded a privilege to lead the way. As the baton is handed over you start thinking you have all the answers, I'm a little Miss know-it-all sometimes. It's a trait I've noticed some enjoy and others despise. I've come to despise it in myself, it's alot of pressure to always have an answer and the right one at that. My sisters have even coined the term 'Karan's opinion.'
I have a certain taste level which is what makes me different to you and I like that. It makes me feel special. It also makes me judgmental.
If you're judging others, you're probably criticising yourself ten fold in private. So I'm going on a judgement fast to see how it affects my mood.
If I don't have an answer for someone, I'm just going to say 'I don't know' and embrace the akwardness.
I'm imagining someone's going to say 'how are you?' and I'll respond with 'I don't know!' But that's a better answer then 'fine.'
Maybe a judgement detox will help me be kinder.
Maybe if we stopped judging one another we could smile more.
Maybe if we shared more of ourselves, others could feel less alone.
Imagine that, turning privacy into a party, now that's worth celebrating.